“Oh YEAH! I want the corn dog. I always want the corn dog. (pause) Unless there’s something with a muffin.”

Getting ready for back-to-school by filling out our school lunch requests.

“Ivan, what are you doing?”

“It says ‘concentrate.’ I am concentrating.”

(photo of kids headed to school on Dr. Seuss day. Ivan is wearing a green eggs and ham shirt.)

Ivan speaking on his future plans.

I may have to go to school for a long time because I want to have so many jobs. I want to be a builder and build Ezri a clinic for when she’s a vet. When I’m an ice cream truck driver everyone in my family will get one ice cream a day for free because I will still need to make money so only one. When I am in space going to Mars, Ezri will watch my cats for me. I will have four cats named Manchi, Ellie, Sushi, and Guido. I will be the first person to step on Mars.

Ezri then proposed that she could learn to sew space suits for the cats so that they could travel with him because it takes a long time to get to Mars and they would miss Ivan while he was in space.

Ivan wanted holes in the suits for their whiskers and tails and space leashes to take them on walks.

Ivan is giving me a “monkey hug.”

Ivan carrying Leapy in the hood of his sweater which he has put on backwards and decided works great as an extra pocket.

collected Ivan moments. . .

Ezri was holding carrots in front of her eyes.
e: I have carrot eyes.
i: I HAVE kaleidoscope eyes.

a: What was your favorite thing at school today?
i: Playing Bad Santa.
a: How do you play bad Santa?
i: Santa is bad and green and steals presents and we stop HIM!
I think the kids watched the Grinch rather than a Bad Santa movie. They’ve been playing “bad Santa” repeatedly. Bad Santa now has a wife who is witch and also takes presents and must be stopped. Apparently taking kids’ presents is super evil.

From the backseat of the car where Ivan now reads all signs as we pass.
i: Sea versus pharmacy
a: what?
i: That sign says “Sea Versus Pharmacy”
a: Looks our car window – oh, the CVS Pharmacy

Playing Pokemon video game with his sister.
i: He’s powerfuler. We’re gonna lose.
e: More powerful.
i: Yeah, he’s more powerful.
I find Ezri correcting Ivan’s grammar cute.

The kids enjoy playing something they call “Ninja Cats” Every once in awhile they sneak past me all stealthy. Now stuck in my head to the Thundercats theme. “Ninja – ninja – NINJA-CATS!”

The new clean-up game involves making exploding noises when a toy or item is returned to its correct spot. Stuffed animal in the bed KA-POW. Pencils in the caddy on the desk – POOF! The kids also claim to get points for returning items to their spot. If gamification of clean-up works for them, I am for it. BAM! POW! STRAIGHTENED UP!

Ivan has reached that age when he does NOT want to go into the women’s restroom with me. While he can do most of his business solo in the men’s room, he often struggles to reach the soap or the paper towels or both. The first time he went in and didn’t come out, I sent a kind man in on reconnaissance. Ivan couldn’t turn off the tap after starting it and would not leave the water running.

Photo at the Bozeman Children’s Museum

Quotes and conversations with Ivan over the last couple months.

i: What if it rained money and I ran around to get it?
A: Inflation, that means that everyone would have lots of money so things would cost more.
i: What if it only rained money on me?
A: Then you would be rich and have lots of money. What would you buy?
i: A robot. . . the stuff to make a robot
A: What would your robot do?
i: The dishes. Then you could play with me while the robot does dishes. Then it can rain more money.
A: Then what would you buy?
i: A new robot
A: What would the new robot do?
i: it could help the other robot while you are work

“I will do 4 jobs on one day. A astronaut, a builder, a video game tester, and a ice cream truck driver.”
These are the 4 careers Ivan’s been considering as an adult. He plans to build his sister a Veterinary office so she can be a veterinarian and an invisible car because she wants an invisible car. He also says he will drive me to the grocery store in his ice cream truck and give me ice cream.

i: Do you know what are dogs good at?
A: Barking and licking you?
i: Being eaten by crocodiles!

i: Now I have four favorite colors because I’m four.
A: What are they?
i: Green, Red, Blue and Orange
When I’m five I will have five favorite colors – green, red, blue, orange AND gray.

“I make this noise when I fart wee-wee-wee-weeeeeee-Thpthpthpthpt.”

Home early from school because he ran into another child on the playground and got hurt and upset
A: do you want to lie down and rest?
i: Yes. (goes to curl up on his bed)
A; Do you want an audiobook to listen to?
i: Yeah. Can I have something to cuddle with?
A (looking at Ivan’s stuffed animals): what would you like?
i: Can I have you?

Photos from Rocky’s birthday party.

“It is Rocky’s birthday today. He is turning 6 years old.”
Rocky then had a birthday party Ivan orchestrated with a card he drew, a small toy cake, a pool (shallow dish of water), and an easter egg hunt in Rocky’s box (the eggs were applesauce lids). Rocky and his friends found all the eggs.

“What if we made a rocket and we named it Ben? ”
Ezri and Ivan have been building a lot of imaginary rockets often with 5 or more steering wheels.
They dispute which imaginary paint color to paint their imaginary rockets – it’s all pretty ridiculous.

“Which screwdriver goes with my screws? Holding the play flat head and philips head screwdrivers.”
Ivan has already learned the importance of having the right tool for the job. The screws were imaginary, rocket-building screws.

“If you want to learn to fight evil giant ants, I can teach you.”

“I love black olives. I love ice cream. I think I will love black olive ice cream. Can we make it?”

“Why does June have a year but Ivan doesn’t?” Ivan has noticed his friend June has a whole month he assumed was named after her and he does not. I explained the month had the name first. He suggested that I call him September as his nickname. I have started calling him September sometimes and he likes it.

Ivan pointed at a sign he wanted read to him it said “Ice Cream makes everything better.”
“No, not everything. Not fire. Or other hot things that want to be hot.”
He decided the sign should read “Ice Cream makes a lot of things better.”
I agreed with him because I remember when ice cream did not make the book drop at the library better.

Ivan tells me more about what he does when he’s away from me. Here’s our conversation after camp.
A: What did you do at camp today?
i: Finger painting.
A: What did you paint?
i: a cheetah. They had no white paint.
A: What would you have painted if you’d had white paint?
i: A chicken.

After initially wondering why I’d brought him out on such a dreary day, Ivan decided that the arboretum was actually fun.

Here’s another collection of the quotable Ivan. Spoiler alert – he likes to talk about butts and underwear alot.

“This is my B-L-A-U dance!”
The dance that followed was a lot of shaking and karate chops.

i (pointing up at the flag outside the rec center): That’s the America flag. That’s the land where there are no bad guys
A: No bad guys?
i: No Bowzer. No Darth Vader. No Spider Bytez. No bad guys.
A: You are right that there are no Sith or mutant monsters in America. (notice I dodged on the “bad guys”)

This night was the first time I did DODGEBALL ever. And I hitted one person in the head and it was YOU, Amanda. I love this Gym Jam.

You eat me and then I go into your belly and then I’d be borned again and be a tiny baby.
(Kid, you’ve worked in cannibalism and being “born again” and me having a newborn to care for again into one disturbing thought there.)

You can still hug me and love me when I’m a grown-up.

Singing “A-B-C I want to marry EZRI!” We explained about not marrying your siblings. Also covered was why you could not marry cats, your mom or broccoli.

Said to Ezri, “You can’t marry Miguel because I am gonna marry Miguel.”

i: We are superheroes.
e: I am Cartwheel Girl! (does something approximating a cartwheel)
i: I am BOOTY BOY! (pounds on his butt)

Ivan flips a coin, “HEADS! you get a hug.” I accept the hug. He flips again, “HEADS! HUG!”
He hugs me then he says, “If I get tails I punch you.” He flips and I say, “You will not punch me there is no punching.” He hugs me and says, “It’s heads.” I told him to find a new game.

Amanda, you are my BFF. It’s a secret. . . from daddy.

“I am gonna be a builder, so I can build a big house for my pet T-Rex when I grow up.” He also plans to build for Ezri an invisible car and an office for her veterinary practice when he is builder. When he retires from building, he will be an astronaut and be the first human on Mars.

Pointing up at white fluffy clouds, “Those are sky bear clouds.”

i: I have ten butts. One of them lives in California. Can we call my butt?
time passes conversation drifts
i: I have 100 butts.
A: I thought you had 10 butts.
i: My butts had babies – lots of babies.

“I winned at the shoot out! I getted two baskets. ”
“Every Tuesday is Amanda Huggy Day. Sometimes, I forgetted that.”
“And then I flyed.”
“I runned faster than you, Amanda!”
“I getted two fire flowers.”

I am noticing this week him correcting himself to “won” and “forgot.”

I love the regularization of irregular verbs.

I will miss it.

A motley assortment of quotes from Ivan for the past couple of months.

“What would happen if someone cutted off my tongue?” Ummmm, it would hurt and there would be blood. You couldn’t taste things or speak. Let’s just say nothing good comes of cutting off body parts.

While working a jigsaw puzzle,”This is as easy as a giant buffalo.” I’m not sure he has that saying correct.

“Would you like jumpany?” I said yes and he leaped into my lap. It hurt a little, but I liked his enthusiasm and his pun.

Weapons Ivan thinks should exist “the pee-pee shooter” that shoots balls of urine. He had a dream about fighting zombies with a pee-pee shooter. It was in his words “a really good dream.” The “diaperarang” which is like one of Batman’s battarangs but made of a stinky diaper. Related note – we’ve been reading him a lot of Captain Underpants books at his request. He’s also been asking which weapons are real and which are pretend and why his mom doesn’t like weapons. Light sabers and freeze rays are not real. Bombs and guns are. I don’t like weapons because they are designed to hurt people. Are there other uses for weapons? We discussed explosives and he is now fascinated with the idea of using explosives to demolish a tall building.

“Spike the rhino needs to go home. It is almost time for him to hibernate.” I think Ivan is about ready to leave the Santa breakfast with his new small rhino toy.

“Is it true that yellow is the best color in the universe?” Ivan, you do not have to believe everything your sister says.

The game blokus now includes the “teeny tiny two-two” and “death hook” pieces. Ivan has named the shapes himself.

“My robot monkey friend who lives in Chicago is named Goo-dee-goo.”

Said repeatedly during Christmas tree decorating, “I like Christmas.”